palette, hygge, bed

* The landscape's winter palette.

* hygge
   lyseslukker
   hyggekrog
   hyggelig

* The sofa is a dog bunk bed--one perches upon the back while the other claims the seat.

Alan, book, vapor

* "I think there should be laughs in everything. Sometimes, it's a slammed door, a pie in the face or      
   just a recognition of our frailties."  Alan Rickman

* The visit to booklandia:comfortable chair, soft sunlight through lace curtains, Midnight in Broad  Daylight, reading as I walk to the door to let the dogs out. I am suddenly aware of the time when my lodger returns.

* The misty swirl of vapor escaping.

squirrels, pattern, plot

* Four squirrels scamper in the back. I realize that one of them has black fur.

* I found knitting that I stored away months ago and my fingers remember the intricate pattern of stitches.

* Realizing plot twists and anticipating the final scene, I begin to rewrite the story in my imagination.

Moon, Beckham, Treats

* "The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
     Gives the luster of mid-day to objects below..."

* overheard:
   "I'd like to kiss David Beckham....I'd like to kiss Victoria Beckham!"

* Christmas treats laid out in a small post office.

nerve, H, E

* Alas sciatic you do me wrong
   To twang and shiver so dramatically.
   And I have appreciated you so long
   Delighting in your efficiency (and usefulness).

   Sciatic nerve was my delight
   Sciatic nerve my aid to flight
   Sciatic nerve so long and wide
   You stretch from my bum to my tootsies.

   Hot water bottle will ease the pain
   Contort to stretch the piriformis
   Hamstrings must now be straightened
   All for my beloved sciatica.

(A tip of the hat to Henry VIII)

* Thrilled to remember the name of Hiawatha's gramma.
   (Nokomis)

* Eucalyptus........
   oil
   handcream
   branches
   roomspray
   Vick's
 

 

Series, soup, place

* At the end of series 4 I find that I have much sympathy for Regina, the antagonist. Elizabeth invites her to Ash Park to tyranize Sarah and to facilitate giving her,S,the boot. Everybody hates her, R, when she finds Sarah's long lost husband. George (the brother-in-law she, R, has secretly loved for years) marries her, R, to further his political career and  does not want to hooch-coo with her because he is in love with Sarah who is pregnant with his,G's, child. Regina ends up in a straight jacket addicted to morphine while George and Sarah blissfully stroll across the sheep meadow with the baby David in arm. Their, G and S, biggest concern being not to tromp into sheep poop.
   My troubles drift out the window.

* "Soup of the day:bourbon"

* "A living place should be a sanctuary. It has to be a place where you can reflect on your life."
   Holy Mother of the Boy with the birthday!

chair, tea, line

* "Is this chair being used?"
   It is obviously empty but I thought I had better ask because her imaginary friend might be
   occupying it.

* Celestial Seasonings. The only tea to serve  in a nursing home.

* The fine line between goofy and nerdy.

move, snow, lines

* Molly watches my every move as I get dressed--as I go out the door I feel her critique.

* "Igor! Troika!"

* "To hell with the lane lines! Let's just get there!"

wait, paper, kick

* The totally delicious lovely wait in the warm house while the pale winter sun gradually melts the frost on my windshield.

* Sunday paper scattered about the room.

* The welcome peppery kick of hot chai in my throat.

dogs, dogs, dogs

* The snow is piling too fast--my snow eating dogs cannot keep up. (note to self:must get more snow eating dogs)

* I sleep in a Neanderthal cave...dogs crunching bones, dogs scratching, dogs in chase dreams...all night long.

* The brilliant ability of a dog outside the door to know exactly when I have become comfortable and warm (at last) under an quilt.  My fast dash across a frigid floor to open the outside door which lets in subzero whooshes of air. Everybody in? Everybody happy? Everybody fed? Now let us get warm again.

hats, kites, side table

* Straw hats hung on pegs in the wall. The mercury has gone south, the snow has a crusted top and I can take down a straw hat for a whiff of last summer's sweat while dreaming of next summer's.

* I hop into the backyard snow to untwist the fish kites. They thankfully leap about in the wind.

* On the side table:knitting needles, crochet hook, sunglasses, scissors, a cup with dredges of chocolate inside, yarn=a cold winter's night.

silently, sofa, rack

* The quietly falling snow reminds me of the Christmas hymn:"How silently, how silently the wondrous gift is given." And then I remember my thought on the first Christmas after producing my first child: "silently? WHAT?"

* The total relaxation of two dogs asleep on the sofa.

* I dry clothes on a rack (do not like the electric dryer) --it adds just the right amount of vapor to the dry winter air inside.

Cut, tower, sleep

* A hair cut. "I just want it kind of organized." "?" "You know, shaped."

* A lamp shaped as the Eiffel Tower.

* How can dogs sleep all day?....And all night?

Lights, time, cough

* A string of lights that join with others to mark the perimeter of the backyard is burnt out. With each footstep I break through the crusted snow to replace the string.

* A person who acknowledges reality and calmly goes about what needs to be done in the short time left.

* My lodger quietly lives downstairs until I hear a cough and remember he is there. I am so grateful he is there in his enduring way while I walk new paths.

cork, oranges, mitts

* Huge cork boards = plenty of room to post.

* I find luscious oranges.

* Grey mitts which keep my hands warm and fingers free.

sizzle, supply, brush

* The semi silent sizzle of a working vaporizer.

* Lots of time in an office supply store.

* I find my father's shaving soap brush cast aside in a drawer. Memories of watching him use it and contorting my face while he contorted his. Handy face excercises.

Hawaii, special, hearts

* "The Descendents" because I am in such a Hawaii mood.

* I walk in the door and am enveloped by garlic aroma. A salad and slice special eaten in a window booth--Greek salad and mushroom and spinach pizza. The waitress leaves me alone as I watch people navigate the snow and cold.

* Red glass hearts hanging from the chandelier.

* A brilliant gem today...I dropped off the car at the  mechanic's at 7a. By 11a the repairs were completed and I layered on pile after pile of clothing (pajamas included) to walk the blocks for the car.  15 degrees, windchill ?. First block=fine. Second block=I do have toes, right? Should I put my thumb up? (Last time done in 1970.)  I decline the idea. A white car u-turns=oh dear, what have my wishes brought? "Would you like a ride?" A ride all the way to the mechanic's. In a heated car. What joy!

* Quietly mesmerized by wisps of blowing snow as I drive my granddaughter home in the dark.

* "Doc Martin" "Saving Grace"

world, snow, out

* "In a hyperactive world, stillness is the deepest rebellion."

* Another ER, another hard chair....I muse...What if snow came in colors? Blue one day. Red the next. Nothing that would stain. Green from the North. Or flavored. Root beer! Orange flavored....

* I am rarely out after dark so the stars are brilliant, the moon a hammock hung in the darkness. Inhalation freezes my nose hairs. Are blue strings of lights wrapped round these trees every year? Cars tucked up for the night, traffic missing. Then home to sweet fuzzy dogs with wet licorice noses.

hide, day, tip

* Frankie hides metal napkin rings in her bra.Shivers."Ee! COLD!"

* A jacketless day. Marvelous clouds of the front coming in.

* Tip: When a mammo is scheduled for the afternoon do normal things in the morning. Pick up dog poop. Shop for toilet paper. Drool at (but not on) the donuts at Whole Foods. Get chased out of said WF for photographing luscious produce without permission. Buy beer for someone who is not supposed to have any. Pause in the whisky aisle because you just saw a documentary about Islay whiskey brewing (?) and wow are you thirsty. Buy Canadian Club instead, after fainting at the Islay prices. Drive home to let slip the dogs of war. Accept Meals on Wheels with great gratitude. Write a blog.

eyes, Sundays, breath

* "Sorry. Did I roll my eyes out loud?"

* Cartoonist Victoria Roberts in a 1987 (!) interview said she spends one Sunday per month in bed in polka dot men's pj's and declares all Sundays to be "disorganized" days in which nothing is planned, nothing tidily put away, etc. I read this while lying in bed wearing polka dot pjs on this Sunday. I sighed for the discovery of a kindred soul.

* I have been practicing coherent breathing. Yesterday I lay down on the sofa and suddenly realized I was coherently breathing without even trying.

Choc, refusal, cream

* Five perfect chocolate covered cherries.

* "Elegance is refusal."

* Thick, I mean really thick, lavender scented body cream for scaly legs.

ride, brook, book

* After I have completed my errands there is time before 4 pm so I start on my favorite drive -- maybe for the last time this year because of the snow forecast. Up, up around the res. "Beware of falling boulders" on the left. The lower water level reveals a shoreline of summer mystery.  Over the first foothill with houses perched on either slope, past a trailhead on to a long valley. I am the only car so I can putter and travel slowly past furry horses brought down from the mountains for the winter. A continuous cycle, they fertilize the pasture in the winter and while they are galloping in the mountains in warm weather their winter food is grown. Past llamas and alpacas and rusted farm machinery and quarries. I turn at a brick schoolhouse, back to the town and medical equipment, blood sugar numbers, insulin gauges and his pain. But my ride has been refreshing and joyful!

* The brook on the way to the post office is trimmed with lacy ice.

* A book in the mail: Our Man in Charleston -- a snowy week-end's read.

* Grateful that I have lists of knit projects to look forward to amidst all the uncertainty that is my life now.

* Fresh new mechanical pencils, each with portrait of an animal on it---foxes, owls, raccoons.

* "The cancer was hideous. It takes the wind out of your sails and I don't know what the future holds, if anything. You feel so ghastly, you wouldn't mind dying a lot of the time. The last couple of years have been a write-off, though I'm beginning to feel like a person now. My energy is coming back. I ought to pull myself together a bit."
Dame Maggie Smith

* Thinking of everything that is on my plate now. There is no certainty in the outcome of anything. And somehow I am on my feet. Deep breaths.

* "Of Mind and Music"

* Coffee


* A Trip Into the Blue

ahhh...April, kitchen, weeds

* And now it is April....Trees are blooming their lil hearts out bec no killing frost or snow lately=gorgeous, senses (all of them) enveloping beauty.

*People are coming to tear up the kitchen this week. The furry residents will become the dogs of war. The end result being that I will wallow in the beauty and actually look forward to cooking.(Considering sleeping on the counters.)

*Pulling weeds = instant gratification  + deep sleep at night = joy.

destroy, white, drive

*"Please stop destroying what is left of your heart by constantly thinking about things that have broken you."

*"Into the White"

*I set off alone early on a Sunday morning: the mail, medications for the one I am caregiving. Then a right turn and I am on a favorite road up, up around the Res ("the water is low=the red of the earth is exposed"). Past empty camping spots and up again, the road barely paved with a drop-off on the right and shear cliff on the left. (the snot road we call it) Runners and bicyclists to maneuver around. And they will turn off at the trailhead. They do and I am left alone on the road. How many times do I pull off to let persistent cars and motorcycles pass for I want to amble. No one will push me today. Past the quarry scars on the hillsides, past the llamas, the tree farms. Then the school ("I'm not going to that school")Left into a town. Left on the road back home. So satisfied.

sod, giggle, not frozen

* Very odd and pleasant to see the grass again at last.

* Such a giggle---planned activities for the 50th reunion are for exact activities which took place 50 years ago...except now people can legally drink alcoholic beverages. (Haven't we grown out of these activities...let's go fishing, hiking, swimming, boating, or do a class project!) side bar: Would I recognize myself?

* Hanging clothes on the outside line for 4 days straight....and hours later I bring them in dry and not frozen. And smelling marvelously.

wall, now, bag

* The deep snow has created a wall just outside the back door which make the dogs hesitate before leaving the house. They gamely go out and I see them bounding through the drifts to come in later covered in white.

* The spa is totally closed because of the snow---another appointment is made for a day in two weeks time....but I need care now. Later they call back and have found an opening in two days. 

* Working on a bag using colors I love.

stuck, 1915, nisei

* The day begins with my feeling overburdened by caregiving. When I attempt to back out of the driveway the car gets stuck. A neighbor from across the street comes to push me out. A neighbor who has had nothing to do with me since I moved in. A neighbor who brushed me off when I crossed the street to say hello four years ago.  I tell her to please do not hurt herself pushing my car. Her sister drives up and lends a hand. Marcos next door then comes to push. Oh, golly. My feeling of isolation and despair diminishes. The store when I get to it for medicine is full of jubilant college students regaling of snow adventures (I learn later they have a snow day from school). The pharmacy worker is kind to me. A stocker is cheerful. I arrive safely home, no more car stucks. The driveway has been shoveled  and the sidewalk is clear. When I sigh with relief as my head hits the pillow at night I stop and enumerate all the people who were kind to me today.Thank you all.

* "The Cut"

* Midnight in Broad Daylight

warmish, Matthew, day

* A warmish day with no wind when I find myself outside in my favorite chair wrapped up in an old house coat, two hats plopped on my head. The dogs yarf at one another with no response from me as I find my eyelids much too heavy to continue reading........

* "Who is Matthew?"

* A contented birthday.

a letter

* A letter. A basket case. Breaths. Insomnia. Isolation. A list. A phone call. Relief. 

*"When it hurts we return to the banks of certain rivers."

*"I am made and remade continually."

*"First I drink the coffee, then I do the things."

*"Impossible goals are made up of a series a small possible goals."

birds, courage, red

* For 2 days birds have been chirping across the road.

* The courage of the squirrel caught up in the high branches of the tree.

* Red, I mean really red, lipstick.

van, slippers, book

* A white van with 9 tall men inside. Each man wears a tall white cowboy hat. The brim of each hat touches the brim of the hats next to it.

* Quilted thick house slippers that please the wearer.

* Sole Survivor

receipe, film, book

* Recipe for getting dressed on a winter's morn: 
   1. heap a pile of clothes# to wear for the day on an unmade bed    
   2. plop 2 fuzzy dogs on top
   3. take a steamy hot shower
   4. dry skin with a nubbly towel
   5. smear thick body lotion, warmed by above steamy shower
   6. dash to the bed/dogs/pile
   7. shoo dogs off clothes#
   8. dress
   # preferably corduroy or fleece

*  "Truly, Madly, Deeply"

*  Hebrides 

pain, couch, boxes

* A day of watching someone squirm in pain. Nothing helps. Nothing helps....And then as the room grows dim and snow begins to fall again the pain leaves and we both inhale relief.

* I moved a second couch into the great room because the dogs needed new places to sprawl. Still it is a challenge to find a space for me to sit. 

* The top of the big table is hidden by the flower boxes I am painting (blue) and I dream about the herbs and flowers that will grow in them.

oasis, listen, hyacinths

* To get up alone into a cool dark winter's morning and slip out of the house for coffee. The shop is an oasis of warmth and light.

* A group meeting where people appreciate me and actually listen to me.

* To inhale the sweetness of my hyacinths every time I enter my office.

dreams, series, lace

* I dream of this year's garden--it must be January.

* Ah, cold winter nights and movie/series marathons:"Hornblower" "Jewel in the Crown" "Jeeves and Wooster" "Rumple of the Bailey" "Cadfael" "#1 Ladies' Detective Agency"

* Winter sunlight through lace curtains.

ice, snow, thought

* The totally cathartic, satisfying  kicking of accumulated ice off of the wheel well.

* Dogs bounding through pristine snow.

* The process of remembering something joyful that happened today: a lightbulb moment, then knowing the day was not as wretched as first thought.

away, smells, nanny

* "I got away to a spa."
   "Oh, you should go every three months."
   "!!!"

* A magazine from England that smells oh so English.

* I watch him on the nanny cam while I sit in my meeting=reassurance.