Friday, July 21, 2017

dogs, season

* Late summer, when the dogs look as if they have been blown over : totally on a side with feet outstretched, tail an extension of body, ears in the flying position. Taking advantage of the cool floor. I creep cautiously through the  darkened room, careful not to tromp on them.

* The season of sunflowers. And clouds of lavender purple Russian sage, sticky hands when touched.

Friday, July 14, 2017

the res today

* the res

*the res

* the res

res, aspects, waves

* "I think I'll go up to the res today. There's a new relief map."
   "I like relief maps--they usually make me feel better."

* "Rivers had become adept at finding bearable aspects to unbearable experiences."

*"You cannot stop the waves but you can learn to surf."

* As I try to open the door someone explains, "That door doesn't always open."


Thursday, July 13, 2017

ice cubes, French, vest

* I forget to eat (imagine that!) and decide to stop at my favorite restaurant. At the table next to me the soup of a little boy is too hot to eat (and he has yellow curls) so his gramma puts ice cubes from her water glass into his bowl. I return to all our family trips when my mother's coffee was too hot to drink and my father was antsy to get back on the road. Ice cubes.

* Movies in French....and if I've seen the movie often enough I can knit and understand.

* I unpack his vest and remember Vera Britain unpacking with her fiancee's family his uniform and kit sent to them directly from the mud of WWI.


Wednesday, July 12, 2017

forehead, laughter, sleep walk, urns

* I kiss his forehead and wonder if this is the end. I do not want him to go but he is so weary and nothing will bring him back to where he was.

* I forget there is someone in the basement until I hear laughter. And I am reassured that I am not alone.

* I sleep walk through the day ticking off to do's while humming the Skeeter Davis song, "...don't they know it's the end of the world..." Everybody does the usual, the hospital PA plays "Rock a Bye Baby" when a child is born----what is played when someone dies? I ponder on that a while as the beeps go on and numbers flash on the screen.

* Oh, no. Another decision---which urn (out of scads of them)? I choose one and say, "This one. I can use it for flowers when it is empty." 

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

realities, dogs, weeds

* How many new realities can a person adjust to in a year's time?

* Dear little dogs who forgive me for serving their dinner late.

* I finally hired a weeder for the east garden--I can now look out the window without a sinking, persecuted feeling.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

limbs, dumpster, solitude

* I was able to enjoy the beauty of the snow storm without imagining the destruction created by the heavy, wet snow. Afterword, a son tidied up the downed limbs.

* I rented a dumpster just before the storm which provided a place to put the downed limbs.

* Solitude, which helps me put back together the pieces of me that were flung in all directions after I took him to the emergency room twice in one day.