Sunday, November 19, 2017

wrap, dream, imagine

* Tingly glad that neck wraps (cowls, scarves, etc. not nooses)are "in". Never been "in". My neck without a wrap is always cold. Now I am "in".

* I wake from a warm happy dream, cocooned in comforters. The happiness lasts all day.

* I imagine whispering to someone who has shrieked like a banshee at me. Up close, in her ear. So that no one but us can hear and know what I think of her. What I want her to do with a certain part of her anatomy. I know I will never do this but it helps to imagine doing it. Hopeless I know because she will never understand how she hurts people.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

read

* Lisette Lecat reads me to sleep. The House of Unexpected Sisters. Mma Ramotswe. JLB Matekoni. Mma Makutsi. Mma Potokwane. Mr Polopetsi. Phuti Radiphuti.

Monday, November 13, 2017

deck

* Warm enough for deck sitting. Dogs cavort. Sunlight glistens and sparkles on the remaining leaves of the red twig willow. The solar bird bath whirs. Worries of weeds evaporate with a leaves covering. I pull my pajamas up to my knees. I leave my hooded sweatshirt on and over my head. Such joy!

Sunday, November 12, 2017

plan, life, gunk, back

* Slowly a plan begins to glow within me.....

* "Do not give up on the robustness of life."

* For me, fevers burn away the extraneous gunk.

* "Go back to where/when you knew who you are."

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Kilt, under, dark, deer

* The swingy, swayey, perky movement of a kilt.

* I hear of the outrage from harassment but there is a certain harassment in looking under a kilt to investigate underwear wearing, too.

* In the wee hours, in the dark, B. Franklinless, I read the toilet paper packaging, "40% more sh*ts." Then in daylight I realize it is 'sheets'.

* Graceful deer flowing over a fence. A tall fence. Is there a deer Olympics?

happen, ears, rhythm

* "Let everything happen to you:beauty and terror"
   Rilke

* My mother had a "you will get better or die" attitude about illness. Doctors exclaim when they see my eardrums (scarring). No trip to the ER when I fell out of a window while sock skating  on the newly waxed floor of my brother's bedroom (I am thinking she did not even know about the ER). Drying the inside of my ears (with the hair dryer) before leaving the house this morning I remembered the way she would warm up her hand for me to sleep on it when my ear hurt.

* I bought a drum. I bought a tambourine. Room mate has the overnight shift. Walls, prepare to vibrate.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

van gogh, laughing, dusk, point

* A grasshopper has been found imbedded in a van Gogh painting. An in the moment painting.

* Laughing made us invincible.
   Not like those who always win,
   but like those who don't give up.
   F. Kahlo

* "Life will take care of itself.
    Just continue to love, be happy, and stay open."

* The dusk closes into dark. I switch the lamps on and cover up in knitted       garments. Bring out the yarn and knitting porn. 

* On the last days home he said there was nothing of this house that was his 
   any longer. He had been away so many days of that year that I had begun 
   putting things where they accommodated me, hanging pleasing things in 
   eyesight, stocking the fridge with foods I like. It was a 'friction point' time
   with one foot in caretaker days still and the other in independence. His 
   independence from pain and mine from watching him writhe in pain.